Two Symbols

After reading tomorrow's tip you are going to call me hypocritical for posting this without editing it.My excuse is admittedly a lame one--I  haven't had time.

Stefania threaded her way through the numerous tents thrown up here and there in Gable City’s large park. Up a head a huge willow tree was sheltering her best friend from the chilling spring wind and Stefania hurried her steps.

“Stefania, I thought you would never get here!” She heard the familiar voice of Irena.

Parting the drooping branches she stepped into the natural tent and froze.

Irena put a hand up, “I know what you are thinking and I didn’t want to do it either but Stefania, I am going to get to live inside now! No more shivering in the useless blankets that were issued after the crash; no more getting rained on, or snowed on or sleeted on. I’ll actually have a roof over my head. Can’t you understand?”

Stefania hadn’t moved. She starred at her friend’s white jacket, the letters “Y.S.U.” mocking her in bright blue and red. Thoughts were ripping through her mind, angry, hurt words but she was still so shocked none made it off her tongue.

“Irena, I—I don’t know what to say.” She finally spluttered, her legs trembled as she walked over the tree trunk and sat down on the damp dirt amid her friends few belongings.

“I know you don’t like them but I have to survive some way. I’m already working at the bakery and the GOV’s say I’ll get housing soon but it’s been six months already Stef. Since I joined the Y.S.U. I can get protection from the weather now. And, if I earn my eagle pin I can get extra rations!”

Stefania bit her lip and looked away. She was a strong girl and hated for anyone to see her cry. These last six months after the economy’s bottom dropped out had been the hardest in her life but this was the last straw.

Taking a deep breath she tried to answer calmly, “Irena, can’t you see it!” She wiped the tears viciously away and her voice creaked. “They are ruining us on purpose!”

Irena pulled her shoulders back. “I don’t think so. We are working more efficiently than ever. Everyone actually has a job now which is more than we had before this blow up happened.”

“Yes a job.” Stefania raised her hand in sarcastic praise and glared and the dark haired girl opposite. “And what do you get from it? Money? Bread? Anything to help you survive?”

“At least I am actually doing something for the good of everyone. You are the only one I know who doesn’t wear a working uniform like the rest of us and what are you doing to help? Nothing!”

Stefania’s anger jerked her to her feet and the blood rushed to her head making it hard for her to find the words she wanted. “Hunting and gardening. I actually am surviving. Unlike so many others. I hunt, and—and—“ she stuttered and gasped for breath, “ I share my food with others who might have died with out it.”

“You what!” Irena staggered back and a long strand of curly brown hair slipped over her shoulder. Her brown eyes looked wide with terror.  “Stefania, you know those are against the rules.”

Stefania stood, her hands clinched tightly and her blue eyes shinny with angry tears. “Irena. I am sorry that it has come to this. We obviously are seeing things different ways. I still love you but we need to part ways or we will only get each other in to worse trouble.” She struck the willow leaves out of her way and ran blindly.

Stefania

Her black moccasins were burning up here feet and her lungs were bursting before she finally stopped. She was outside town at a small creek and slipping off her shoes she stepped into the ice cold water.

 “Youth for Uncle Sam.” She told the minnows who were tasting her toes. “How could she. Young Unescapable Spies is more like it.”

The little fish flashed their silvery backs and continued their hunt for food.

“And her eagle pin. I wonder what sort of nasty trick she has to do to earn that.” She picked up a rock from the bottom of the stream and tossed it far away watching the small splash. “Those eagle pins are fitting. Cold bronze, the symbol of something that prey’s on weaker creatures. How could she want to become one of those?”

Stefania waded a few more feet, the March breeze chilling her through her sweat soaked black sweater.  Up a head she saw a tree; a heart rudely hacked into the bark and a short, four letter word scratched in the middle.

Love.

Was that a word people even understood any more? Love, true love, and hearts were thrown around but in an age of survival of the fittest, the real thing was forgotten.

She climbed up the slippery bank and pulling her shoes back on tromped to the tree. Her hand fingered the groves and she wondered who had carved this. Was it before everything went bad? Before uniforms were issued, jobs assigned and all the produce of the labor shipped to the GOV’s? Or was it after people had been thrown out of their houses in mid October, and forced to set up any sort of shelter they could make on public land?

“Like it?”

Stefania whisked around, her back to the tree and her hand already going to the knife tied on a string underneath the woolen sweater. These were not the days to be trusting of anyone.

A burly man stood in front of her. His beard and long hair hid most of his face but he was simply leaning against a near by tree his hands languidly in his pocket. She noticed he was not wearing a uniform. This was the first fellow “non-worker” she had met.

“Did you carve it?” she asked after a moment of silence.

“Yes.”

He looked her up and down carefully but to her surprise she did not feel that he was a threat. There was no doubt he could be but at this moment he seemed perfectly docile.

“What do you do?” the beard moved but she could not find a mouth.

She shrugged her small shoulders, “Live.”

“That’s better than most these days.”

 She shrugged again unsure what he wanted.

“Come with me.” Suddenly he turned towards her and held out a hand.

She jerked up her shirt and grabbed the knife handle.

Strong hands grasped her arms and forced them to let go. “Ah, a knife. You will be a wonderful asset.”

                                               

                                                            Irena

After Stefania and made her emotional exit Irena broke down too. She had hoped her best friend would be more understanding but instead Stefania had been so sure that what Irena was doing was terribly wrong.

Irena knew it had driven a wedge in their friendship that would never be repaired but she was determined they would not become complete strangers.

She stroked the fake white leather and appreciated the warmth or this new layer. Why couldn’t Stefania see how much good it would do her?

Wiping the tears away she lifted her chin and began wrapping her brush, extra shirt and spare socks in her GOV issued blanket. When she was done she parted the weeping willow and began picking her way through the tents.

The Y.U.S. dorm rooms were tiny and she shared hers with another girl. There was no running water in the building and the small beds were lumpy but at least it was a respectable wind block.  Spreading her belongings out on the bed she stepped back out into the hallway and glanced at the large steel clock across the walkway.

9:30 A.M. Time for her to go to work. She straightened her uniform and looked to make sure her identification patch was in place. The words: Irena, Baker #256 stared back at her. Good, she was ready.

“Irena!” She was nearly to the stair well when she heard her name called. Turning around she saw the headmistress clipping towards her. Unconsciously Irena read her patch: Effy, Y.U.S. Headmistress # 3.

So she was not the only headmistress. Irena idly wondered why she had never seen any of the others.

“Yes Headmistress?”

“I can see you are new!” She frowned. “Salute.”

“Salute?”

“Remember, you are now one of the elite Youth for Uncle Sam. You are expected to bear yourself uprightly, salute your superiors, and be ready to obey orders at a moments notice. Come, it is time for your first debriefing.”

“But it is time for me to go to work.” Irena was thoroughly confused.

“No “but’s”! Obey orders without questioning.” She turned on her GOV issued shoe heel and walked away. Irena had no choice but to follow.

“Now,” they were seated at a cold steel desk residing in a concrete room on the bottom floor of the building. The white concrete walls stared bleakly down on her and she shivered. “You have read the rules for the Y.U.S.?”

“Yes Ma’m.” Irena twisted her fingers together.

“Speak up!”

“Yes Ma’m!” Irena straightened her back and knit her brows in frustration.

“Then you must know that this is your first debriefing?”

“I guess so Ma’m.”

The headmistress gave her another frown.

“Yes Ma’m.”

“Alright. We’ll start easily. Who are your friends?” She pulled some official looking papers from a disk drawer and opened a pen.

“I only have one Ma’m.”

“Name?” she barked.

“Stefania.”

“Place of residence?”

“Under the bridge on 5^th street by Bear Creek.”

“Occupation?”

Irena’s heart skipped a beat. “Why does it matter Ma’m?” she laid her hands pleadingly on the desk.

The headmistress made a lightening move from her hip to Irena’s hands. Irena yelled in pain as a flash of electricity burnt the backs of her petite hands. Tears of anger and confusion stung her eyes as  she pulled them close to her body.

The woman coolly put away her electric baton.

“Occupation?”

Irena gulped. “I don’t know really.”

She saw the meaty hand move towards her hip again.

Not again!  Her mind panicked. She couldn’t face that pain again!

“Hunter! And Gardener!” Irena clapped a hand over her mouth and tears welled up in her eyes.

What had she done? What had she done to Stefania? She dropped her head, shame covering her face in a deep red blanket.

“Ah!” the lady leaned back in her leather chair and smiled broadly. “You are friends with a criminal. Isn’t that interesting?”

Question time!

1.Do you want more?

2.Is the fact that I have two main characters confusing?

3.Do you feel as if Stefania and Irena have differing (and well portrayed) personalities?

4. What has this first part left you wondering/ what are your biggest questions?

5.Which girl do you like better personality wise.

6.Which girl do you sympathize with? 

7.Which girl do  you agree with?

8.Do I have too much dialog? 

9.Any corrections, tip, changes to make?

Don't feel like you have to answer all these questions. Any answers would be a help. Currently I personally don't like the story. I  like the idea, but not the way I have executed it. I see many, many things to edit and probably would have tossed the whole thing out if it hadn't been that I had nothing else to post this week!

Thanks for your help!