Through Iron's Eyes

This story is a companion to a book I am writing called The Iron. This story is actually through the eyes of the main character while the book is written about him but through one of his followers. Tell me what you think, especially about the main character please. Like, is he a good character or does he need some rounding out of some sort?

Through Iron's Eyes

The door slammed to, a whistle blew and the rhythmic clatter of the wheels announced that I was leaving. Could it really be true?

Better rehearse, I could be asked about myself anytime. But where should I start? Name and age, that would be most important.

I am twenty-five years old and my name is Alex Goodwin. I live in Basule and am on my way to visit relatives for the day in Camor.  I will be coming back by the midnight train; here is my return ticket to prove it.

I bit my lip, and tried not to rub the sticky makeup off my face. Did I look twenty-five? Everyone else thought so I guess since I had passed at approximately that age for five years now. No one except my adviser and I knew how old I really was and it was a long ways from twenty five.

“Your name, age, place of birth and current residence?” A soldier and his officer eyed suspiciously a women three seats ahead of me.

The blood ran away from my face. Place of birth? I hadn’t planned on that question.

“Your name, age, place of birth and current residence?” The soldiers were questioning a man two seats ahead of me now.

I could just say I was born in Basule. My breath came out in a relieved sigh that was louder than I intended.

“I’m sorry Mister Iron, did you say something?” The officer turned to me and I felt my heart stop as I saw his eyes. There had always been something creepy to me about them, creepy I mean besides the fact that one was green and one was blue.

“W-Why! L-Lard Strathford! I didn’t expect to see you here!” I stuttered and my stomach was making me feel nauseated.

“I didn’t expect to see you here either Mister Iron. What may I ask are you doing on a train away from your very important headquarters? Surely you are not going to leave us? We were hoping to have at least one more chance to speak pleasantly with you and your genial friends.”

“I-I had business in Camor.”

“Ah! You have a speaking engagement no doubt? I have heard you are quite the moving orator. In more ways than one seeing that by the time I get there to hear you, you have always hurried on to your next one and left me in the lurch! Perhaps you’ll oblige me by speaking to Lard John Halcrust, who I believe you already know, and some of my other friends while enjoying my generous hospitality tonight? I’m sure we would all enjoy the entertainment.”

I could bet they would! Swiftly glancing around I saw what would be my only chance.

“Of course, of course, Lard Strathford! I’m sure they would and I would love to give it only, as I mentioned before, I have a very pressing engagement in Basule.” My outward coolness was regaining itself and I even found it in me to smile at the creep who was after my life. “By the way, may I ask how you are getting along without your slave lass? I’m sure you miss her and she misses you to. In fact it’s lucky we met since I actually have a message that she asked me to deliver to you.”

His eyes darkened and glittered to my delight. My rescuing his slave girl was still a sore spot then!

“Let me see, where did I put that?” I unbuttoned my coat and began searching through the inside pockets. “Ah! I remember now! I left it at home in my other coat! I’m sure if you called on my apartments and cared to look in my dining suit pockets you could find it. I’m sure you’d be relieved to hear though that she is doing quite well and is enjoying living in the new country.”

“Ah yes, wonderful news.” His easy demeanor was slipping under my oiling. Perfect.

“Oh and also, as you can see, the little cut I received one of the last times I saw you, is doing quite well. The makeup in it doesn’t burn too much.”

“Delighted.” His eye brows were down.

“I heard you got tussled a little that time too. You were laid up in bed for several weeks. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you are feeling better now?”

He leapt at me and stepped coolly back.

“Careful Sir! These seats really seem good at tripping people, I trust you aren’t hurt?”

He roared and leapt at me again, there was murder in his eyes.

I felt the doorknob in my back. Once more please, just once more I needed him to jump at me. If he stepped off and called his soldiers all would be lost but as it was he was blocking their way and giving me an excuse for getting closer to the door.

“I’m sorry Lard Strathford, did you say something?”

My wish was granted. I opened the door quickly and paused only a moment on the edge. There was a sand pile, not the softest landing but better than nothing! My legs bent and I squeezed my eyes shut. A strong arm passed around my waist.

“Not so fast Mister Iron.” His voice cooed in my ear. “I’m really looking forward to that speech you are going to give later tonight-- too much to let my foolish friend lose you.”

My heart gave one painful thump and stopped. No one except my adviser and I knew how old I really was or what I really was—my adviser and him.  I felt sick. This was even worse than I had expected.