Monday, December 29, 2014

Two Symbols--Part Four

How many of you remember a story I started a long time ago called Two Symbols? I was sick today resulting in extra time on my hands. The result: I finished it! If you need to go review the links for previous parts are below. As a side note, since I first started posting this I have gone back and done a lot of editing. I like the story now much better than the version posted on here...oh well.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Character Sketches


Stephania

Stefania dove behind a convenient bush and began wriggling closer on her stomach. It would take several washes to get the dirt out of her shirt but she pushed the thought out of her mind.

“Be careful, girl. You have played with us a long time and we have tried all our gentle means of getting you to do what is only right. Even now, if you only tell us where your friend is we will make you a leader. They get many benefits you know. And your friend, she won’t be hurt we just need to correct her.”

Stefania saw Irena studying the creases in her palms and chewing on her lip. “If that’s true then why, when you saw someone sitting under her old bridge, did you shoot them on sight?”

Stefania put a hand on her stomach and grabbed at the tree truck she was hiding behind. Her bridge—some innocent person resting in it’s shade had been taken for her and simply shot on sight. She took deep breaths in an effort to still her shaking body.

“It looked like they were pulling a gun. But anyway, that doesn’t matter. She’ll be fine.”

There was silence then Irena’s voice came back, heavy as with tiredness. “I told you, I don’t know where she is.” Stefania heard a chair scrape as Irena suddenly stood up. She looked up quickly and was surprised by her friend’s face. It was defiant, brave, hard, she couldn’t quite put a finger on it Irena looked different. “ I don’t care where she is either so long as she is safely away from you.”

Stefania held her breath and starred at Irena’s hardened jaw. Was it really only months ago she was trying to do just what the GOV’s were now urging.

The man looked at each other with eyebrows raised. The one behind Irena touched his baton but the other barely shook his head.

There was an awkward and tense silence during which Irena stood without moving.

“Well, we believe you. You may go now.”

Too easy. Stefania thought. There is some catch here. They are not that easy on those who defy them. She crept underneath the window which was low enough that she had to crawl on hands and knees to stay hidden.

“Would you like a drink before you go? We’ve had you in here chatting for more than an hour and you must be thirsty.”

She jumped to her feet. There was the catch. “No Irena! No!”

The men froze. The subject of their conversation had astoundingly appeared.

Stefania was only a minute getting through the window and one more grabbing her friend’s arm and hauling her out of the building. The stunned silence was quickly broken. Shouts followed and she could hear footsteps running behind them as well.

Irena seemed dazed and Stefania had to literally drag her.

“What are you doing here?” She finally gasped as she stumbled and Stefania grabbed her roughly around the waste and pulled her up.

“Never mind. Just run.”

“Where?”

Stefania missed a step and tripped a bit. She didn’t know. Where could they go? Her instinct said run, but that wouldn’t do her any good if she didn’t run somewhere. The GOV’s had guns, tazers and grenades and she was sure they wouldn’t be worried about using them.

“To the lake.” She pulled Irena sharply to the right. Then she heard shouts in front. She grabbed the thinner girl with both arms and falling so that she herself was underneath rolled off the road and into a near by magnolia tree. The branches grew clear down to the ground from fairly high up on the trunk forming a natural and dense tent.

“Stay down!” She threw her own body over Irena’s white jacket. Her dark grey shirt would blend in well with the shadows.

Her hair was falling over her face and she carefully turned it away from the road so that as little of her skin as possible would show.

They could hear feet and shouts. She didn’t notice when her hand, holding Irena’s head, began to grow wet.

“Stefania.” The voice was so quite she almost thought it was just in her head.

“What if—if—they are still alive?” She dared not move her heard but she could see Irena out of the corner of one blue eye and she knew it was her.

“Who?” She whispered back knowing that the surrounding din would mask their hushed conversation.

“My family?” Irena’s hand gripped the ground.

“Your family?”

“Yes. If they were still alive, what will happen to them? I’ve been trying to be good, to do everything right so that maybe someday they would think it was okay to tell me where my family was.”

Stefania ran her tongue around in her mouth several times. “They wouldn’t have Irena. You know that.”

The noise was dying away, some of it in one direction and some in another. Stefania cautiously faced around and then got off Irena. She didn’t move.

“I know….But, what if my family is still alive. Will something be done to them because I rebelled?”

Stefania dusted her hands on her jeans. She couldn’t bare to answer that question.

“You know, I’ve tried to get out to the jail a few times. But somehow or other I was always stopped. I still don’t know why they took everyone but me. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Irena…” Stefania began and then trailed off. “We should get going.”

Irena slowly got to her feet.

“Take off your jacket. It’s too bright. Your brown uniform will be great camouflage without that.”

She unzipped the white leather and slowly pulled one arm out. She fingered her eagle pin.

“Leave it. It is a symbol of everything that has ever hurt you.”

“You said once it was a symbol of cruelty.” She dropped the jacket and turned away. “I think I believe you now.”

Stefania parted the big leaves on the side of the tree opposite to the road. “Come this way. I think we can stay out of sight better.”

Without a word Irena followed. Soon they came to a rarely used dirt road and Irena saw Stefania relax a little and fall back to walk beside her.

“Do you think some of your friends could ever help me get to the jail?” Irena watched her friend’s face closely as they walked.

Stefania glanced her way and then quickly began busily putting up her hair.

Irena stepped in front of her and grabbed her hands. “I know you know something. What are you not telling me?”

Stefania’s eyes were watery and threatening to spill over. “Not, now, we need to keep moving.”

Irena crossed her arms and purposrfully stepped in front f her friend.

“Irena, the jail is empty. They filled it full, then decided it was too much trouble, liquidated it and now…people just don’t ever get to the jail.”

Irena dropped her hands. “And my family?”

“There are a thousand nameless graves. Someday, when this is over, we will go put flowers on everyone.”

Irena began walking very quickly and Stefania was almost running to keep up with her. To her surprise the brown eyes were dry, unlike her own.

“I knew it. It knew they could not be alive but I had to try.”

“Then eachother is all we have left, Irena. We can't let something come between us again.”

Irena stopped and looked back. “No, never. Nothing will ever separate us again.”

Stefania stopped and looked at the ground. That distant look that disturbed Irena had come over her face again. “No, I cannot say ever separate us. We do not know what might happen. But we will always be friends.”

“What might separate us? There is nothing. From now on I will go with you and we will stay together.”

Stefania looked up and looked her full in the face for a moment. “Here,” She reached up and began fumbling with the clasp on her necklace. “I want you to have this. The people at camp Phoenix will be good to you if they see you wearing it.”

“But can’t I just get one when we get there?”

“Take it.” Stephania shoved it out to her. “They already know me, but if for some reason we get separated they'll be more likely to trust you if you're wearing one of those.”

Irena pursed her lips. “We're not going to get separated.”

“Please put it on.”

Irena shrugged and passed the chain around her neck.

They walked on it silence and the Stefania said, “We have switched places a lot recently. First, you were weak and I was strong. Then you defended me to the GOV’s today. Then I drug you off and you were weak again. And now, when you’ve had this news about you’re family you’re strong again. We sure are confusing.”

They both smiled.

“I don’t know. Maybe we just now what the other one needs and when.”

They were walking past a small shed.

It had no windows but the walls themselves had many small holes. Stefania instinctively grabbed her friend's arm. Something was not right.

They heard two metallic clicks.

“Run!” Stefania had grown up around guns a new the sound of one cocking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Irena

A small trim woman stood on a low rise. Behind her the ruins of an old prison, bombed and blackened, in front of her a thousand nameless graves.

She tucked a silvery peace of curly hair behind her ear with one well used hand while in the other she pulled a wagon filled with poppies.

A tall man came up behind her also pulling a wagon.

“It seems strange, you know. Having enough food now and not having to keep everything so secret. Being able to actually go to town. Everything. It’s just so different.”

“Yes, Castus, it is. Things have been wrong for a long time, but now, they are finally right.”

“These concrete markers, are they the graves you were talking about?”

“Yes.”

“But there are a thousand and all unmarked!”

She touched the dented and tarnished bird that hung around her neck. “A thousand and one.”

“Whose the one?

The one whose ashes gave me fire. The one who was a symbol.”


What do you think? I really felt like I could have ended this better. But somehow, no matter how I arranged it I couldn't pack the punch I wanted. Any ideas?

And as a bonus, here is a link to the song Stephania sang Irena (Back in part three). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faHO0XIPSSA

7 comments:

  1. I agree it is not quite delivering the punch you're trying to give. Maybe try the old tip: show, dont tell. I think if you left the reader with a picture that implies those last words, (I.e. Irena placing the pin on a grave or sprinkling ashes over one or something), it would be much more memorable.

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    1. You're probably right. Originally I was going to have Irena leave the pin on a marker but she doesn't know which grave is Stephania's...That made it harder to give a quick and simple ending.

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    2. Maybe she can set up a memorial stone or have some sort of memorial ceremony?

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    3. Maybe! I'll have to give it some more thought.

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  2. http://larkwriters.blogspot.com/2014/05/tip-tuesday_27.html

    Here is the link to your sketches.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you very much, Grace! I never expected them to be part of a Tip Tuesday.

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    2. Lol, I didn't even realize it was a part of a Tip Tuesday when I copied the link. I just had scrolled through the posts since the first part of the story you had posted until I saw the pictures. Then I clicked and copied the link.

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